It’s not that cryptic, honestly.

Remember Vanessa Paradis? You know, the little girl who went on Top of the Pops to sing about Joe le Taxi in a very ill-advised outfit that left very little to the imagination? The one who grew up to become Johnny Depp’s long-term girlfriend?

It seems that the press have now got hold of a rumour that Paradis and Depp are about to split, or have split, and have been baffled by her response. “In the winter I separate,” she is quoted as saying, “in the summer I marry.” Perhaps it’s because Eric Cantona has recently been in the news again that the papers (at least the ones I’ve read) are calling this “cryptic”: yet another French celebrity being philosophically obtuse.

Perhaps we should take the entire quote, not just that one sentence. Here it is:

You know, when I eat three peas, I’m pregnant. When I’m visiting a city, I’m buying a house. In the winter I separate, in the summer I marry. It’s been 15 years since I’ve been getting married every year.

We have to remember that English is not her native language, so if the grammar is sometimes a little unusual, we have to forgive her that. But the quote is actually very easy to understand: Vanessa Paradis is complaining about the way the press turn non-stories into front-page news.

And lo and behold: she gets a bit sarky, and suddenly she’s not only splitting from Depp, she’s making mysterious and cryptic comments.